Why Disney brought us up on a lie – and I’m not talking about the princes!

7 April, 2017 By Anna S E Lundberg Leave a Comment

Those of you who know me will know that I have a long history of Disney princess fandom. I grew up on what for me were the classics: The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin… Then when I was a little bit older came The Lion King, Pocahontas, and Mulan.

The release of the new live action Beauty and the Beast meant that I was given the chance to relive the excitement of my childhood, as if I were watching the old film again for the very first time. The Sound of Music-esque scene where Emma Watson’s Belle runs swirling out into the field brought me right back to how I felt aged eight (sing it with me now!):

“I want much more than this provincial life!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere
I want it more than I can tell
And for once it might be grand to have someone understand
I want so much more than they’ve got planned…”

I can’t tell you how many times I swirled around singing this song to myself (and to any poor, unfortunate souls who were close enough that they could hear me), earnestly relating to Belle’s feeling that there was more to life than my provincial existence of school and homework, and dreaming of adventure.

And, of course, it wasn’t just Belle. Another of my favourites is Ariel’s “Part of Your World” (although in The Little Mermaid our heroine has fallen in love with a prince based on looks alone and decides she’s happy to change species and give up her voice in order to win his affection – no matter), and what about “A Whole New World” where a handsome ‘diamond in the rough’ comes along and takes me on a magic carpet ride.

So, yes, I grew up wanting adventure in the great wide somewhere, feeling misunderstood, and knowing I was meant for something bigger – but that’s not the lie, there’s nothing wrong with fantasising about all the exciting things you’re going to do. The big deception instead comes from what happens next and, ultimately, the “happy ever after”.

Belle goes off and has her adventure, she frees the castle from its spell and falls in love with the Beast, who turns out to be a handsome prince, yay! Ariel and Eric together rid the world of Ursula the Sea Witch and then get married on a lovely cruise. Aladdin frees the Genie and marries the princess, despite not being a prince. Ta-da! And they all lived happily ever after.

But what happens after the film has ended? Is Belle going to be satisfied now marrying the prince and living out the rest of her days in a castle, which, by the way, is just a stone’s throw away from her provincial little village? Will Ariel and Eric really be happy together as man and wife, given that they barely know each other? Will Aladdin the street rat be comfortable in the big palace, and will he and Jasmine be content with ruling the kingdom without the freedom to travel the world?

The finality of a magical Disney film ending – or, maybe, most film endings – gives the illusion that you are destined to do this one thing, and once you find it you’ll settle down and live out your days in perfect contentment.

And THAT is where I think they have it all wrong, and where we’ve all been sadly misled.

Generations X and Y are said to be purpose-driven, entitled and impatient. We’ve been told by our parents that we are special and we can do anything, we’ve launched ourselves out into the world to find our purpose… and then? We search for our dream jobs, travel the world to find exciting experiences and, yes, we scour the universe for our prince charming, our ideal partner. But how do we know that we’ve found it? And what happens next? There’s no theme music that starts playing as we achieve our one true purpose, no credits rolling once we’ve reached our goal.

So we end up searching, searching, for our True Purpose, our One True Calling, and the Happy Ever After. And either we never find it, and we end our lives feeling unfulfilled… or we find something amazing and fulfilling, but we’re likely to question whether or not we actually have found it, and often we’ll continue looking in that desperate search for our ONE purpose. Because it can’t possibly be our Happy Ever After since the theme music isn’t playing…

fairies — We may well come across fairy godmothers (and -fathers) in our lives who help us along the way, but we are the ones who determine our fate, not them

I suppose it’s natural that these princesses are all destined for greatness – a whole film has been made about them, after all. That’s part of the deception, though, that we believe that we are special and destined for some magical calling that no one else can do. The lie is not that we’re special, because we definitely are; it’s just that we ALL have the potential to do something unique and impactful, we can all create magic – even without a fairy godmother – and that magic can take many different forms, there’s not just one true calling (or one prince charming).

The latest Disney princess Moana, the South Pacific girl who yearns for the ocean, is reminiscent of all her predecessors as she dreams of greater things. She’s also specifically chosen by the ocean to save her island and her people, and so she’s special and unique versus the rest of the village, with a clear purpose to pursue. Where this film differs, though – *possible spoiler alert* – is that it ends not with her settling down and living out the rest of her life without adventure, but with a closing scene that sees her and her people rediscovering their voyaging ancestry and heading out onto the ocean to new and on-going adventures.

And that’s how I think we need to approach our lives and our goals, whether we’re talking about that dream career or the dream partner or any other big objective that we aspire to: as one of many adventures, as a project after which there will be other projects, as just one step on the journey.

Because if you think you’ll be happy and content once you find It (or Him or Her), if you think the film credits will roll once you’ve completed your life purpose… then you can only ever be disappointed and, ultimately, unfulfilled.

How to be Single (from someone who’s done it successfully)

17 February, 2017 By Anna S E Lundberg Leave a Comment

I was doing some keyword research on Amazon the other day and on entering “how to” into the search field I was amused to see one of the most popular entries being “how to be single” (the others included “how to grow a baby” and “how to murder your life”…). Now in fact “how to be single” is the name of a book and a film so maybe people are searching for those specifically – but it doesn’t change the basic theme of the query: the need or desire to understand how to “do” singledom successfully.

This must stem from our deep-rooted expectations of how life is to be lived: we meet someone, we marry, and we have children, so that they can grow up and then go on to do the same. This is a basic prerequisite of the survival of the human race and as such a core expectation in our society. “How to be single”, then, must be about coming to terms with not following this expected path, either temporarily (until you find someone and slot back into the “right” order of things) or permanently (should the worst case scenario happen and you never meet Mr Right and instead die a tragic spinster). In my own experience and in that of many of the people I’ve coached, the question of a possible relationship or family is inevitably tied up in other life goals and it’s hard to speak about career plans without also considering these aspects.

Given my extensive past experience in this field, and compliments I’ve received as to how “well” I pull it off, I thought I’d share my thoughts; so, here you go, my five top tips on How to be Single!

1. Make a plan but stay flexible

Maybe the toughest thing about being single while knowing that you want to meet someone – especially when you’re a bit older (tick, tock!) – is how to manage this in terms of planning your life. If you know you want to build a home and family with a partner, you want to travel and have shared experiences with that partner; do you put that life on hold and hang around waiting for Mr or Miss Right? Or, if you make plans without that person, are you then giving up on your dream and ruling out the future possibility of meeting that someone?

You don’t want to be putting the rest of your dreams to one side while you wait for that partner but you still want to be open to the possibility of doing so. So I say: if you want to travel, do it! If you don’t want to go alone, go with a friend or find a group trip. If you want to move to a different city or country, go ahead!

The truth is that you’re more likely to meet the “right” person if you’re living the life you want to live. If you’re true to yourself, working towards your goals, and feeling happy and fulfilled, then first of all you’re going to be much more attractive to any potential partner and second you’re more likely to be putting yourself in the situations where the right kind of person – in the sense of someone who shares your values, who appreciates you for who you are – might be found.

2. Make time for you

You might expect a single person to be selfish and to some extent that is true, but also true is that the single one is likely to often put their own needs last and simply through being more available and more flexible they will find themselves in situations where other people are prioritised. This might involve being that unfortunate “third wheel” in the back of the car with another couple, or being the one who’s relegated to the single bed in the smallest room when you’re on holiday, or the one who’s always there for other people since, unlike everyone else, you don’t have someone waiting for you at home.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t spend time with couples, or go on family holidays, or help other people out when you can! But it’s important that you still carve out your own physical and emotional space, and set boundaries for what you want to put up with. Make time for you to do your own thing, whatever that entails – grab a book, go for a walk, go on a little solo shopping trip. And make time to see your single friends, and go on dates – adult “me” time essentially, that doesn’t revolve around other people’s children or lifestyle choices.

3. Question your beliefs

In coaching, we often talk about “limiting beliefs”. These are basic notions that are largely sub-conscious and have been created through our own past experiences but also through those of our environment, for example, our parents, our friends, and society as a whole. Our behaviours are a reflection of our beliefs; and changing our beliefs will change our behaviours and, ultimately, can change our lives. Common limiting beliefs for single women might be:

All men are arseholes
I never meet nice guys
I’m never going to meet someone
There must be something wrong with me
I have to meet someone to be ‘whole’
I don’t need a man
etc.

In order to challenge these beliefs, you need to first ask yourself: is there any evidence that this statement is true? Even more importantly: does this belief serve me? Do I want to continue to believe this? And, if you want, you can choose to believe something else: turn the belief into something positive, and look for evidence instead that this new positive belief is true. Then act based on the new belief and, before you know it, this will be part of your fundamental belief system.

So, for example, if your belief is “All men are arseholes” then start by questioning whether that’s really true (presumably you do know some nice men, even if they’re not single or even attractive to you); then think about whether it serves you to continue believing this. To some extent, it might: having this particular belief will make you more aware of the risks and so will help to prevent you from getting hurt; however, if you actually do want to meet someone, then this belief clearly does not serve you as it means you will never meet a nice guy. Now decide that you want to believe something else, and transform it into something positive; e.g. “There are men who are arseholes but there are also men who are great guys”, turning your attention now to look for nice guys rather than arseholes. Makes sense, no

4. Acknowledge that you want to meet someone

Single women have often been portrayed as being needy and desperate and this is, of course, unattractive; but I also see a danger of going too far in the other direction. If you move away from the neediness of clinging onto any man who shows even a little bit of interest and declare that you don’t need a man at all, then it’s likely that this message will also put those dreamy men off, given that you’re basically saying that you don’t want to be with them.

Going back to those limiting beliefs, the one that says “I don’t need a (wo)man” can be an important one to look at. As much as those sexist comments about independent women being intimidating to men can be irritating (and, I suppose, there is an equivalent pressure on men to be strong and not to admit that they feel lonely and want to meet someone), you have to recognise that it’s not exactly an invitation to the poor prospective partner when you declare that you don’t need, or want, them.

There are times in your life when you don’t want to meet someone (maybe you feel you’re too young to settle and you’re having fun with your single friends), and other times when you probably shouldn’t (you’re going through difficulties or perhaps some major life changes and you need to focus on yourself first and foremost). There are other times, though, when you do feel ready and you really do want to meet someone. The trick is to find that delicate balance between living your own life and having fun on your own on the one hand, and being honest about the fact that it would be nice to meet a partner on the other.

5. …and be open to doing so

It can often seem like meeting someone is one of those things that’s almost completely out of your control – unlike other life goals like, say, quitting your job to pursue a passion or moving to a different country. It’s definitely harder to put together a romance action plan in Excel! That doesn’t mean, though, that there’s nothing you can do.

First of all, there’s the mindset and I really wouldn’t underestimate this. Challenging those negative beliefs and being open to the possibility of meeting someone is vital. Second, knowing what you’re looking for. Especially when you’re older, you have a much clearer idea of who you are and what you’re looking for in a partner – compared to when you were 18 and you didn’t care as long as he or she was hot – and as with anything in life, having clarity on your goal is crucial to ever having a chance of achieving it. And, finally, exploring what you might do to make it more likely that you’ll meet such a person – where to spend your time (online and offline), what kind of activities to do outside of work and which trips to go on, and so on. It’s not an exact science but there are things you can do – and it’s not limited to joining Tinder and going on lots of dates!

Observing some of my single friends, men and women, a lot of them are filling their calendars with work and travels to the point that any potential partner would really struggle to fit into that life. A friend was trying to meet up with a guy and he said his next free weekend was in May! So while it’s great that you’re keeping busy and having fun, it might be worth allowing for a bit of flexibility in that schedule to give another person the chance to spend some time with you.

So there you go! Some thoughts on how to be “successfully” and happily single – while staying open to the possibility of being happy with *someone* as well. I clearly have a lot more to say about it… but what about you? Any tips or reassurances you want to share? Comment below!

This is to some extent a counter-post to the 2015 Valentine’s Day edition: The 7 Deadly Sins of a 30-something Singleton.

5 things that skiing teaches you about life

20 January, 2017 By Anna S E Lundberg 1 Comment

Another year, another week of downhill skiing in Verbier, Switzerland. This week has been the best so far – there was fresh snowfall at the start of the week, followed by a week of glorious sunshine, and on top we didn’t do any classes this time so we’ve been completely free to ski, rest and eat whenever we want! It’s just been a really lovely week of skiing. Whenever I’m out on the pistes, though, I’m always struck by the life lessons that skiing brings to mind! Here are 5 things that skiing teaches you…

1. You’re on your own

You may have supportive friends around you, or an experienced ski instructor, but ultimately, no one can help you make it down the mountain (unless you really get stuck and they have to come and get you with a scooter!). Knowing that you’re all alone is both terrifying and completely liberating. You can block out the sound of other people, forget what they are doing or not doing, and just focus on what it takes for you to do what you need to do.

2. The longer you hesitate, the harder it gets

I’ve had so many moments over the years of stopping at the top of a slope or, worse, halfway down and just getting more and more panicked about how I’m going to do it. The truth is, though, that it’s not going to get any easier from waiting, so it’s really just a question of taking a deep breath and going for it. And turn, and turn, and turn! No ‘shopping around’ for the best turning spot, no stopping completely – as the next turn will only be more difficult!

3. A lot of the fears are just in your head

There are some very real fears when you’re skiing – accidents do happen, even with experienced skiers, and they can happen when you least expect it. I’ve fallen twice this week while WALKING so it’s not even just the skiing that you need to watch out for. However, I’ve actually very rarely fallen and when I have (TOUCH WOOD) it’s not been particularly traumatic; I have always made it down the slope, however terrified I’ve been; and I’m only getting better, so really there’s less and less to worry about. In fact the fears only make me tense up and do all the things that interfere with my technique so, as is often the case, your fears are actually having the opposite effect to what you are hoping.

4. You should be facing the slope head on and leaning forwards

Your natural reaction is to want to lean back, away from the steep slope that’s laid out in front of you – but in fact this is counter-productive, giving you less control over your skis and making it more likely that you’ll fall. Leaning forwards, down the slope, will make sure that the skis press evenly into the snow along their full length so that you have better control. The other normal tendency for beginners is to swing the body round with each turn, rather than facing the slope head on so that you can see where you’re going and again so that your weight is correctly distributed.

5. It gets easier with practice

I used to be scared just of the overall environment when you’re skiing: dangling from the sky in a little cabin, making sure you get off the chair lift in time, being able to control your skis enough to be able to stop when you need to! Of course over the years all these things have become a natural part of the process and no longer terrify me. It’s the same with the skiing itself, the more turns you do, the more you challenge yourself to take on trickier slopes, the better you get. You can let your fear stop you, stick to the easier pistes or even avoid skiing altogether – or you can commit to getting better, to pushing yourself and to keep practising. As the ski school ads around Verbier proclaim: better skiers have more fun!

In fact, the previous points essentially come down to this: you have to commit to each action you take, each move you make. You don’t want to be hesitating, you don’t want to be leaning back and you don’t want to be fighting against the natural force of gravity! I find that if I just take some deep breaths, find a rhythm and stop over-thinking it, I get into a really nice flow and it’s much less work. And for all the dangers and fears, it’s so totally worth it for the views, the food and the exhilarating feeling of whooshing down the mountain.

Guest Post: You are a Big Deal! The Importance of Owning Your Value

2 September, 2016 By Anna S E Lundberg 4 Comments

This is a guest post by Michael Riley, who found me recently and is now an active member of my Facebook group (and actually did an interview with me already on his site). I love the topic of this post and I can definitely relate to the self-deprecating tendencies that Michael refers to. My mum has told me often of a time when I was little and I decided to list everyone that I like. “I like mummy, I like daddy, I like my sister, I like (etc) … and I like myself!” How many adults would say the same thing? That confidence and honesty was squeezed out of me growing up in England where it was definitely not okay to say that you liked yourself, or that you were good at something.

Who benefits when you hold back on who you are and what your special gifts are?

I believe that you can reach your fullest potential, and make your biggest contribution to the world, when you find work that matches your values, your interests and your individual strengths – and to do that you need to recognise, and own, your worth!

You are a Big Deal! The Importance of Owning Your Value

“Be Proud Of Who You Are And Not Ashamed Of How Others See You” – Anonymous

“Oh, it was nothing…” Do you find yourself saying this when you’ve done something for someone, or achieved something, or accomplished something, or did something you wanted to do?

How about, “Oh, it was no big deal…all I did was [fill in blank]”?

Up until just recently I had been saying this my whole life. When I graduated from university, for example, I felt like I had accomplished and achieved something massive, but I discounted that feeling when asked how I felt about it: “Oh, yeah, it feels really good… but hey, anyone could do it, so it’s not that big of a deal…” I still do it from time to time, but it’s becoming less and less because I’m working my guts off to recognise and reward myself for everything I do, achieve, or accomplish, no matter how big or small.

F*ck that noise!

The reason I believe we discount ourselves is because we have been conditioned by our parents, teachers, religious beliefs, culture and society to think that we’d be bragging or showing off if we shared how awesome we really felt, or spoke about how good we are, and that would be wrong; we should be humble and modest.

Yes and no.

While I believe it is a good trait to stay grounded, being humble and modest about who we are and what we have to offer is not – we must share who we are and own it, because we matter; we are a big deal.

And you can do this without coming across as a jerk. How? By being sincere and genuine. For example, when I’m asked what do I do? I reply: “Thanks for asking! I’m in a really exciting phase at the moment…” Pause and wait for the other person to ask a question, usually it will be “Oh, yeah, what’s that?” This will get the other person engaged and interested in you. “Well, I’ve recently changed career. Having spent 15 years helping businesses grow and increase revenue as an Account Manager I decided I wanted to coach and mentor young people, so I’ve taken time off work and I’m now studying fulltime. I’ve also just started a blog that helps people become their best version.” The conversation will flow and you’ve made a connection, maybe even a meaningful friendship. It really is that easy! You just need to believe in it… and in yourself.

“Believe it and you will see it.” – Wayne Dyer

I am a big deal. You are a big deal. Everything you did today, no matter how big or small, is a big deal. “Oh, but all I did was take the kids to school, clean the house, grocery shopping, pick the kids up from school, exercise, cook dinner, help the kids with their homework, have quality time with my husband… it’s nothing to write home about. It’s what I do most days.” Wow, that is a lot to write home about! You are giving so much to your family and that is a big deal!

I’ve heard and seen many people in business close huge deals or climb the corporate ladder and still discount themselves in some way. They would celebrate with colleagues, mates or loved ones and look and feel awesome on the outside but they were saying things like “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “Don’t be silly… it was nothing… John’s done better…” When I asked them why they didn’t give themselves ‘a plug’ they said they didn’t want to come across as bragging or a ‘tosser’.

If you are doing this, make a conscious effort to stop doing it today. You are a big deal – so own it! Remember: “Those that mind, don’t matter… those that matter, don’t mind.” Here’s what I do to know on a deep level that I’m a big deal – I encourage you to do it as well because it works:

Exercises

1. Write a list about how awesome you are. Mine’s called “I am awesome because today I…” Remember to be specific and include the little things that you used to think we’re not important or not a big deal. Next to each write, “That is a big deal. I am a big deal.”

Here’s an example of my list:

I am awesome because today I wrote down what I want to achieve/accomplish – that is a big deal. I am a big deal.
I am awesome because today I stuck to my allocated time for each action – that is a big deal. I am a big deal.
I am awesome because today I successfully completed an assignment – that is a big deal. I am a big deal.

I am awesome. I am a big deal. I matter!

2. (a). Practice saying what it is you actually do when next asked, “What do you do?” and say it like the example I gave earlier. It’ll feel uncomfortable at first but the more you do it the easier it’ll get.

2. (b) When you catch your inner critic telling you you’re worthless or useless or unworthy, write it down and reword everything. If you hear him say, for example, “I’ll never have her. She’s out of my league,” change it to “I’m good enough for her. Is she good enough for me? Let’s find out.” Or if he says, “I can’t do that, I’m not good at speaking in front of people,” rewrite it to “You know what, I can do that. I’m a fantastic speaker and I know they’ll love what I have to say.”

The hidden costs of not owning your value are many. The ones that can really cripple your life include:

You become a people pleaser – “I can’t tell them how awesome I am. They will think less of me or think I’m too good for them. I’ll just be humble and modest and hope they like me.”
You become fearful, hesitant and miss out on opportunities to have what you want – “I can’t talk to her in a café. She’s going to think I’m weird and she’ll get annoyed at me for bothering her. Besides everyone will hear me and laugh at me when she rejects me.”
You settle in life – because you don’t believe how much of a big deal you really are, you just take what you can get. You settle in your relationships, friendships, career… in life.

The benefits of owning your value, of course, are the exact opposite:

You attract successful, nurturing, supportive people into your life.
You go after what you want without fear or hesitation and grow from the outcome regardless if you get a yes or no.
You become the selector, not the selected, and live the life you deserve.

“Feel the fear… and do it anyway.” – Susan Jeffers

Use the information here as a starting point. There are many good books about owning your value and worth and I encourage to invest in yourself and read them. One book in particular I read over and over and highly recommend is Feel The Fear… And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.

5 Comfort Zone Challenges to Change Your Life (Guest Post)

15 July, 2016 By Anna S E Lundberg 1 Comment

This is a guest post by Kevin McNamara. He has a great website on a theme that’s very close to my own: getting out of your comfort zone. Read on to discover his tips for how to break out of yours!

5 Comfort Zone Challenges to Change Your Life

Comfort zone challenges help us to break our state and move from a place where we feel comfortable to a place where we feel uncomfortable. This is how we grow. As Dr Wayne W Dyer said, “The difference between a flower that is alive and a flower that is dead is that the flower that is dead has stopped growing.”

When we as humans stop growing we start to die inside. To grow is to live fully. When we look around even at some of our own circle of friends and family, we see so many who have stopped growing. People who are living average lives and are content to sit back and let the circumstances of the world control them, instead of them taking control of the reins.

My Own Dark Night of the Soul

In my own life I have had phases where I stopped growing. I had no purpose, no direction and no goals. I was dying inside. I had lost my daughter, Holly, at five months of age to SIDS, was depressed and had gone through two marriages and two divorces – all over a period of five years. One day I looked at my life and realised I had two choices: I could continue as I was, a victim, and blame everyone else except myself; or I could take control of my life, take responsibility and move forward, learning and growing as I went. I chose the second option.

I just decided one day that I hated my life and it was time to change. I had to raise my self-confidence and self-esteem. I started meditating daily, changing my negative self-talk to positive affirmations, and went beyond a belief in myself to a ‘knowing’ that things would be okay.

The Keys to Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

To become confident with any aspect of our lives we need to practice the thing we want to be good at and we need to practice often; repetition is key. Doing something once and expecting to be good at it is delusional.

Doing something once and expecting to be good at it is delusional.

Click to tweet

This is where comfort zone challenges come in. A comfort zone challenge is something we do to take us out of our average life that places us in a state of being uncomfortable. Doing this often enough leads to us becoming good at it and in turn raises our confidence and self-esteem.

5 Comfort Zone Challenges that can Change Your Life

1. Saying Good Morning to Passers-by

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? But so many people you pass in the street look away, are staring straight at the ground or have a frown so large they might explode! They look really unhappy. I either run or walk most mornings and pass by lots of people. I make it a habit to say good morning to everyone, especially those who look unhappy or try to look away. This does two things: (1) it gets you into the habit of talking to strangers, which is great for your confidence, and (2) you get a response from the other person. They have to make an effort to respond and most people will put on a smile. So you are helping yourself by becoming more confident and you are helping others by putting a smile on their faces. You will actually make that other person feel good about themselves. Win-win!

2. Intro Vlog

Make a video where you talk to the camera introducing yourself and what you do for a living, and publish it on Facebook or some other social media platform. I have a Facebook group called 52 Week Get Out of Your Comfort Zone Challenge where new members have to do just that. Again this is great for your confidence. Putting yourself out there and making yourself both vulnerable and accountable – this is how we grow.

3. Take a Selfie with an Emergency Service or Military Officer

Now this can be a police officer, fireman, paramedic or any one from the armed forces. I often have people say to me that in this day and age that is really dangerous to do; it’s not, in my opinion. (Obviously if they are involved in some kind of emergency situation you aren’t going to ask.) I have many photos with these people and have only ever been knocked back once. 99% of these people are friendly and will only be too happy to have a picture taken with you. We gain confidence in talking to not just another person but someone in authority.

4. A Selfie Video in a Crowd

So many people worry about what others think of them. There is a whole new world of freedom once we let this emotion go. I learned a long time ago that the only thing other people worry about is themselves. They don’t care what you do or say most of the time. Go out and find a crowded market, shopping centre, airport, train station, or anywhere you find that has big crowds; start filming yourself and talk into the camera. You can talk about anything but do this for around a minute, minimum. Once you get over the feeling of “people are watching me” you get a huge adrenalin rush. The first time I did this I was really scared and it took me a good 30 minutes to find the courage. Once I did it I was on cloud nine! It is a real buzz walking along in a crowded area talking into your camera. And when you realise no one cares, a whole new world of freedom opens up. You can see my YouTube example here>>>>>.

5. Ring or Write to Someone and Tell Them That You Love Them

This one is probably the toughest of all the challenges. How many family members or friends have we neglected? People we know and love but never acknowledge with our feelings. This is a simple challenge but a most profound and enlightening one. You can do one of two things. First, ring a person and have a conversation with them. As part of that conversation tell them that you love and appreciate them. Tell them that is why you called: to say I love you. The second way of doing this is to write them a letter. Sometimes we express ourselves better in words on a page than through our voice. Do the same thing here: tell them you love them and appreciate them and that is why you are writing. Again you are putting yourself out there, being vulnerable and allowing your emotions to shine through. It makes you feel good and it makes the recipient feel fantastic! Another win-win.

There are many comfort zone challenges you can do to give yourself confidence, raise your self-esteem and change your life.

The key is to do them consistently and make them a habit in areas of your life where you struggle. The more we do, the more we grow and the more we live with increased confidence and higher self-esteem. Living outside your comfort zone consistently is where the magic and freedom lies.

Kevin McNamara is an inspirational speaker, mentor/motivator/coach and author. His mission is to help people move outside their comfort zones to live a life of magic and freedom. You can learn more on his website at www.getoutofyourcomfortzone.com. You can also pick up his complimentary ebook, 7 Comfort Zone Challenges to Double Your Confidence and Raise Your Self Esteem, by clicking here>>>>>.