Anna S. E. Lundberg

Coach, Speaker, Writer

(Wo)man’s search for meaning

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It’s Valentine’s Day! This February, romance has become even more of an irrelevancy to me than it was in 2013 so I’ll refer you to last year’s Valentine’s post with the remarks that the only things that have changed are that I’m a year older, I now have a gorgeous niece as well as a gorgeous nephew, and I do have a bit more time for dates should the opportunity arise.

Love, though, is an important part of every life, romance or no. In the words of Oscar Wilde, “A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” Love for your family, love for your fellow (wo)man, love of a pet, of nature, of life itself; and, yes, love for a partner.

The natural corollary of this kind of love is having children. This is, or at least has been, a necessary means of survival for humankind. In that sense, it is the fundamental meaning of life. I could never quite get my head around this, though: is the meaning of life really to be born, have children, and die, only so that those children can be born, have children, and die? It seems like cyclical reasoning that lacks meaning in and of itself. And, anyway, if having children were the ultimate meaning of life, what of those who can’t have children? Are they condemned to live an empty life devoid of any meaning?

Of course, having children is not just about perpetuating the human race. There are what one journalist in The Guardian calls “the traditional caveman reasons – carrying on your name, thinking about who will look after you in the future”. There is the incredibly romantic act of producing something that is half you, half the person that you love. There’s the fact that they’re just so darn cute. And there’s the fundamental desire to create something that will live on after you’re gone, a little drop of  immortality in your children’s genes, in their memories.

That desire to create something, to leave a lasting legacy, can take many forms. Such creativity is particularly found in the arts: paintings will remain on display long after the artist is dead and buried, symphonies will be listened to, plays enjoyed, books read. In a way, though, we’re creating a legacy with every action, every interaction. Not to mention our whole social media persona (although the sheer volume of information that is out there makes it all the more difficult to stand up and be counted).

There is an interesting Ted Talk on “The 4 stories we tell ourselves about death”, stories of avoiding death by achieving immortality in some form. Leaving a legacy, an echo in the world – whether by the pursuit of fame, or having children, or as part of a nation or a tribe – is one of these four stories.

So why are we so concerned about tomorrow? Is meaning to be found only in the future? What about that most fashionable of maxims that we must live for today, live in the moment?

There is that quote, now and then doing the rounds on Facebook, that may or may not be correctly attributed to John Lennon:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

In a recent article in which The Shrink and The Sage tried to answer, Is it better to focus on today or tomorrow?, a study was quoted with the conclusion that “Happiness is about the present; meaning is about the future, or, more precisely, about linking past, present and future.” While worrying about the future is unproductive, as is dwelling on the past, a degree of reflection on the past and planning for the future is essential for making the most of the time that we have.

The importance of meaning, and not ‘just’ happiness, is the central tenet of Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Based on his own experiences of Nazi concentration camps, he concludes that the strength to survive comes from having hope, having something to live for, quoting Neitzsche: “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How”. According to Frankl, such a “How”, such a meaning, can be found in different ways: (1) by creating a work, i.e. by achievement and accomplishment; (2) by experiencing something – goodness, truth, beauty, nature, culture – or someone, that is, by loving another human being; and (3) by the attitude we take when faced with unavoidable suffering, in transforming a personal tragedy into a triumph. So meaning can be found in deeds, in love, even in suffering.

In that Ted talk that touched on our fear of death, philosopher Stephen Cave offers a final metaphor of life as a book, bound by its covers, by a beginning and by an end. That book can be full of adventures, of different landscapes, of exciting characters; in the end, all that matters is that the pages in between make up a good story.

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.”
-Viktor Frankl

Finding your passion

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finding your passionThere was a great response to last week’s post on leaving a corporate job to follow your passion and the first interview with Mike, piano rock extraordinaire. It seems this is a topic that resonates with many of you.

I also had a very good question from a friend, who pointed out that there is a step that comes before the change itself, that is, deciding what it is you’re going to do instead: what if you don’t have that one big passion? Or, at least, what if you don’t know what that passion is?

One option is to hire a career coach. They can guide you on setting goals and support you in meeting those goals, and an objective third party can be a huge enabler for making informed decisions. I think, though, that you can ask a lot of those same questions, and find good answers, on your own.

Here are some of my suggestions, based on the reading and thinking that I’ve been doing myself. Let me know if they work for you or if you have other ideas!

1)   Look behind you

Most, if not all, of us will have had childhood fantasies about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Prima ballerina? Fireman? Veterinarian? Cowboy? Now these may not be careers you still find appealing as an adult. I no longer want to be an astronaut (though I might be convinced if George Clooney came with me) – but at least I’ve thought about it and that won’t be one of my regrets when I look back over the choices I’ve made.

A couple of books I’d recommend here. First, a novel: in The Life List, the protagonist is obliged by her dead mother’s will to accomplish each of the points on her list of goals that she had written as a teenager. Her initial reluctance gradually falls away as her life is transformed – predictable, yes, but nonetheless both moving and thought-provoking. Second, a memoir: The Last Lecture, in which computer science professor Randy Pausch tells the story of achieving each of his childhood dreams during his life, which was now coming to an end as he was losing the battle against the ten tumours in his liver. You can also watch the actual lecture he gave, fundamentally intended as a way to share his life lessons with his children.

Moving beyond your childhood, take a look at your career to date, the decisions you’ve made along the way, and the motivations behind them. Why did you choose to study physics at university? Why did you take that internship at the headhunting firm? Why did you accept that promotion? This can help you to understand how you’ve ended up where you are today, and guide you on which things to prioritise moving forward.

2)   Look ahead

Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? Twenty? What’s most important to you? Is it having the time to spend at home with your children? Is it being able to afford that big house with a garden and swimming pool, and the annual holiday in Mauritius? Is it being in a position of power that allows you to make a real impact in the world? Is it feeling that you’re making a difference, however small, in your day-to-day life?

Fast-forward even further ahead to the classic rocking-chair scenario: when you’re sitting by the window of your retirement home, thinking back over your life, what will you most regret having done or, more often than not, regret not having done? Regrets can be very personal, but there are some that seem to be common. Here we can steal insights from people who’ve already had those epiphanies by looking to The Top Five Regrets of the Dying:

(1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
(2) I wish I didn’t work so hard.
(3) I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
(4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
(5) I wish I’d let myself be happier.

(I’m currently reading the book and though the author’s personal story is interesting, the book is long and badly written and I wouldn’t recommend it! Those five insights above are all you need.)

3)   Look to others

Believe me, you are not alone in the questions you’re asking about career and family.

You may be able to talk to someone you trust – a friend, a sister, your partner – about the questions playing on your mind.

Sometimes, though, it’s more productive to talk to someone outside your immediate circle. This is because it’s likely that the people you spend your time with are a product of the work you’re currently doing, the lifestyle you’re currently leading. If you’re surrounded by corporate climbers, you’re unlikely to get a lot of support from them when it comes to moving away from that kind of existence. Talking to people with totally different lifestyles and priorities – dentists, doctors, musicians, massage therapists, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers – will give you a fresh perspective and help you to understand that there are other paths.

There are also countless books and blogs written on different aspects of career and life satisfaction, and you need only do a quick search to be confronted with more insights than you could possibly need! Some suggestions at the bottom of this post.

4)   Look to yourself

At some point, in order to be fully satisfied with, and committed to, any changes, you need to make a decision yourself. After all, no one knows you as well as you do, and no one is going to have to live with your decision as much as you are. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also exciting and, speaking from my own experience, incredibly empowering when you make decisions that turn out for the better.

5)   Look alive!

A lot can happen simply by observing. Pay attention to how you feel in different contexts. Recognise when your heart isn’t in it, and at the other end of the spectrum when you feel fully energised and motivated (what psychologists call “flow”). Keep your eyes open for new opportunities that you might not have considered before.

Most of all, don’t get stressed! You’ve made your decisions up until now for reasons that were valid at the time, and you have the power to change the future with fresh decisions. You don’t have to find the answers to all of life’s mysteries today. Take the time to understand what you enjoy and what you don’t, what changes you want to make and how you can take baby steps in that new direction. And, in the meantime, don’t forget to have fun! In any case, if you’re sitting there reading this post, your current life is probably not too shabby, so enjoy it and appreciate the many good things you already have.

 

Resources:

The Escape Manifesto is a practical guide written by three English guys who decided to leave the world of management consultancy behind to start the Escape the City community. It takes you from pre-escape (thinking about why you’re not happy, the things that are blocking you, what are your priorities, how to manage your finances) to post-escape (whether in the form of finding a more exciting job, going off on an adventure, starting your own business, or doing something completely different!). They also have a website with opportunities across those different possibilities (adventure, entrepreneurialism, exciting brand, exotic location, social impact) and success stories. If you’re in London, you may want to go to some of their events, where you’re bound to meet other likeminded people. (There are a couple of hot men coming up this month, so that alone is a reason to go. For some of us, at least.)

Another website with reassuringly diverse success stories for inspiration is Career Shifters, which also features advice and support on topics from identifying your “ideal” career and overcoming fear and other obstacles through to managing the change successfully.

How to find fulfilling work is an interesting book that reflects on the growing trend of people yearning for a more fulfilling career and advocates acting first, reflecting later. There is no one single perfect job out there, that’s a myth, and so we should experiment and explore to find potential careers that will potentially fit with different aspects of our character. The author, Roman Krznaric, was a founding faculty member of The School of Life which takes a broader perspective on emotional intelligence not just at work but also at home and in relationships.

Fearless Fridays: From marketing rock star to actual rock star

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I can’t tell you how many people have told me this past year how brave I am. I find it quite flattering but also a little odd. I haven’t gone to war, climbed a mountain, or slain a dragon. I simply decided to quit my job.

So what is it that we’re so afraid of, that leads people to call such a step brave? Is it a fear of the unknown? A fear of failure or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, a fear of being successful? Is it rather a fear of what we’re leaving behind, of giving up a feeling of job security along with a steady income?

Brave or not, 2013 was a year of change for me, and with that change came a great deal of reflection. I spent a lot of time reading books and blogs, discussing different options with friends and family, analysing pros and cons. In the process, my eyes were opened to other people’s (yep, I’m going to use the J-word) journeys. What do they prioritise and value in life? What are their goals? Are they happy in their jobs? What are the things they wish they could do but don’t? What’s stopping them?

As part of this continuing exploration, I’m kicking off a series of interviews with people who have made big changes in their lives. I’m calling the series Fearless Fridays (I do love a good bit of alliteration) and I’ll be publishing a new interview every month. Often it’s a question of someone moving from a corporate environment to pursue their true passion or to achieve a more balanced lifestyle, but that may not always be the case. Perhaps it will be about making time for their passions outside of working hours, or even changing still within the corporate world to a role or company that better fits their values and interests.

By definition, I’ll be focusing on people who have made a big change, but I’ll also be interested in talking to people who are very happy in their jobs and see no need for change.

My first interview is with Mike, whom I met during one of my Basel weekends. He absolutely radiated with positive energy and confidence and it was incredibly refreshing and inspiring to talk to someone who seemed so content with who he was and what he was doing. I was keen to understand how he had got to where he was now, and what words of encouragement he might have for others who haven’t yet found that level of certitude that they’re on the right path.

 

Leaving a corporate job behind to follow your passion: From marketing rock star to actual rock star

mike-low-singingMike Low is a musician and kinesiology therapist. He composes, sings and plays piano rock with his band The Mike Story. Go back two years and he was a Junior Brand Manager in a cosmetics company, working long hours with little or no time for music. Today, his songs are all about personal stories of finding inspiration, losing people you love, and getting back on your feet to follow your own way. You can get a free download of the single To Be Free on Mike’s website.

1) At what moment did you decide it was time for a change?

I had spent another long day at the office. The automatic shades of the building went down, once again telling me it was time to call it a night. I was tired, ill, and decided to leave my job to follow my dreams instead!

2) What was the biggest challenge you faced in making the change?

My biggest challenge was worrying about whether I could make enough money to put food in my mouth and pay my rent. And it seemed tricky to get a regular part-time job with a high-flyer CV like mine (top-performing business student, with international work experience in China, USA, Australia, Germany, Switzerland).

3) Where did you get the support you needed to make it happen?

The emotional support came from my partner, all of my friends and my family. It was my 28th birthday and I organised a party with a live concert. Everyone said how much they enjoyed my music and encouraged me to take the next big step.

In terms of some financial security I got a job offer at Pure Aveda Salon and Spa. They welcomed me with a part-time job and seemed to be the first company not intimidated by my CV.

4) What’s the best part of your lifestyle today?

I get to do what I truly love. My big passion has always been music and alternative holistic medicine. Now, I get to do both and feel so blessed to make a difference in people’s lives. Also I have a much bigger impact on how I want to create the atmosphere of my working space and thereby attract patients and concerts that fit with me as a human being.

5) What one piece of advice would you give to someone who is considering making a big career or lifestyle change?

Know what you absolutely love doing, get a little security net if needed, close your eyes and jump! YOU CAN DO IT. I‘m more alive than I have ever been.

Mike is currently recording his album TO BE FREE, planning his CD release concert on 19th April 2014, while starting the final year of his Kinesiology education (complementary therapy). Watch a video of Mike’s story that he created as part of his CD Crowdfunding campaign.

mike-low-the-mike-story

Have you made big changes in your life and want to inspire others to do the same? Or maybe you’re 100% happy staying put where you are and want to make a case for being satisfied with what you have? Get in touch to share your story!

Making money and doing good at the same time – is it really possible?

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“Profit’s not always the point,” says Harish Manwani, the Chief Operating Officer of Unilever, in a recent Ted Talk.

Manwani argues against the classic Invisible Hand of Adam Smith, and Milton Friedman’s statement, that “There is one and only one social responsibility of business – to use its resources and engage in activities designed to increase its profits.” It’s simply not good enough, he says. Companies must play a role in serving their communities, making money and doing good at the same time.

If you have eight minutes, watch the video here:

 

As an anecdote, Manwani tells a story that I recognise very well, of starting out in a multinational consumer goods corporation. His boss asked him why he was there, to which he answered: “I’m here to sell soap.” “No,” replied his boss, “you’re here to change lives.”

This mission is remarkably similar to the expressed purpose of Procter & Gamble and its slogan, “Touching lives, improving life”. And both companies’ claims are likely to be deemed absurd by the cynic who would make the cold observation that the purpose of these businesses is to make profit, delivering returns to shareholders, and nothing more.

unilever-website

Manwani offers an example of Unilever’s contribution in the form of a hygiene and health programme that benefits half a billion people. When I visit the Unilever website, the first thing I see is “Changing the climate for growth and development”, while Sustainable Living is one of the four main items in the top menu.

procter-and-gamble-website

The Procter & Gamble site likewise highlights Sustainability in its top menu, as well as in the carousel on the home page. P&G also has a number of global humanitarian initiatives such as its partnership with UNICEF on the Pampers brand, “1 pack – 1 vaccine”.

Is it all simply about building a brand image to sell more products and make more profit? And does it matter if it is, if they’re doing good in the process?

“Purpose” is a word being thrown about a lot in the last few years, but Manwani argues convincingly that purpose and values really are central to sustainable business in the 21st century. “Brands indeed can be at the forefront of social change. […] When two billion people use your brands […] small actions can make a big difference.”

That seems to have been the thinking behind Axe’s surprising new #kissforpeace campaign (incidentally, Axe is a Unilever brand). The agency responsible for the work says that it wanted to use the brand’s global influence in a positive way. As a marketer, I may well question the change of positioning, the brand character, the tone of voice… but as a human being, I say, good for them! If nothing else, Axe is donating $250,000 to Peace One Day, a non-profit organisation whose aim is to institutionalise Peace Day on 21st September every year.

In another recent campaign, Dove (another Unilever brand) continues to build on its Real Beauty campaign, which started ten years ago and addresses the issue of body confidence and women’s insecurities.

Yet another beauty brand, Pantene (Procter & Gamble this time!), recently aired a campaign in the Philippines that got global attention thanks, in part, to Sheryl Sandberg’s having endorsed the video on her Facebook page. Like Axe, the link with the brand benefit is tenuous at best… but what a powerful insight it taps into.

So from encouraging hand washing to striving for world peace, from boosting female body confidence to highlighting gender inequalities, these brands are raising, and to some extent addressing, real issues in the world. They’re selling products, yes, and they’re making money, of course; but they are also managing to do some good.

What do you think? Are you unimpressed by what these global brands are doing? Should they do more? Or should they stick to what they know, selling soap, and forget all this doing good business?

Of course, the question of doing good and/or making money is not just a question for businesses, but also for individuals, as we make our career and life choices. But that’s a topic for another day…

Ch-ch-changes: What I love most about rivers is…

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“You can’t step in the same river twice,” said Pocahontas. Or was it Heraclitus?

Everything changes, even you, despite what Take That may have had to say about it.

We must change or become stagnant, says my dad.

But not all change is good. Change for change’s sake is unlikely to be effective. Don’t change a winning horse. If it aint broke, don’t fix it, as my mum says (- sometimes even if it is broke! Hehe…). Conventional wisdom, it seems, can’t quite make up its mind.

I recently completed a psychometric questionnaire for a job interview, which placed me off the chart in terms of embracing change, adapting to change, driving change – so it seems I’m more in my dad’s camp when it comes to valuing change over stability. I’m at my most creative in situations that are rather unstructured, I enjoy new challenges, and I have zero tolerance for dogmatism. Who wants to do the same thing over and over? Been there, done that, written the tweet.

Digital marketing, then, is a pretty good fit for me. Technology is constantly advancing, consumer behaviour changing, best practices evolving. It’s incredibly stimulating: a never-ending learning curve, an opportunity to evolve along with the changes in the field.

But it’s exhausting! You’re always in flux, working towards a moving target, devouring news across a gazillion platforms to stay on top of the latest developments, always ‘on’.

And, sometimes, the old approach may still be the best one. Building further on the fundamentals you’ve already put in place may be more effective than jumping on the latest #bandwagon.

I think the same is true in life. Being constantly on the lookout for something better is exhausting, too. Life is not always greener on the other side; and, even if it is, what happens when you get to that other side? Is life even greener on another other side? You can get stuck in an ever-continuing spiral of raising the bar, setting your sights ever higher, dreaming new and more ambitious dreams.

Such is human nature. Our desire to innovate, to learn and adapt, has allowed us to survive, and thrive, where other species have faded away. We need only look at the well-documented cases of Kodak and Blackberry for evidence of this phenomenon in the business world.

So to change or not to change, is that the question? Well, a certain amount of change is inevitable. That river is going to change, whether you want it to or not. In fact, you’re going to change whether you mean to or not. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to accept it. And, as with most things in life, the sweet spot is most likely to be found in some balance between stability and change. Yin and yang, consolidation and expansion, continuity and evolution. Such is the delicate seesaw of life.

 

This post was inspired by an article from The Shrink & The Sage in the FT Magazine, Should we embrace change?; as well as by recent discussions with my parents.